Hi there, Mark, how's it going?
Very well thanks, Small Talk.
You're 22, it's your rookie season as a road-racer and you're riding the Tour de France. Is that unusual?
Yeah, it's very unusual. I think only a handful of riders have done it. Lance Armstrong started his first Tour when he was 22 and did about 10 days, which is what I'm hoping to do. It's flat the first week so that'll be my time to shine.
Your first win in a big road race was in the nigh-on unpronounceable Scheldeprijs Vlaanderen in Belgium, where you out-sprinted gnarled old-timers like Baden Cook, Erik Zabel and Robbie McEwan. How did they like being beaten by some young whippersnapper?
Well, you know, the sprinter mentality is to make excuses, but I showed it wasn't a fluke by winning five more times, on an even bigger level than that. I'm as good as the big names, you know? I know I'm as fast as these guys and I know a lot of them know that I'm that fast. Some of the ones who don't race here that often don't realise it and don't give me the respect I deserve.
Do they try to intimidate you?
Not really, no. They don't subject me to any more intimidation than any other rivals and I'm quite hard to intimidate anyway. It's usually me dishing it out [laughs].
Sprint finishes look scary, what with all those big fat arses in the air, flailing elbows and gritted teeth. What's it like in the middle of one of them?
It scares a lot of people but I don't let it bother me. Because if you let it scare you, you'll bottle it. At the end of the day I want to be the first rider across that finish line and I'll just find the quickest and easiest way to do it. One thing I do get aggravated by is people shouting with frustration if they get pushed and shoved in sprints. I don't push and shove anyone, but I don't care if somebody does it to me.
Are you any good at climbing?
No. I'm absolutely dire at it. I'm 100% a sprinter ... an old school one, not one of these new guys that can climb and sprint.
What's in those food bags you get handed in bicycle races?
Well, you get two more bidons, or drinking-bottles. You go through eight or 10 litres of water a day and it saves you wasting energy by going back to the car to get them. Then there's extra gels ...
For your hair, no doubt. How important is it to look good when you're cycling up the Alps?
[Laughs] No ... these are edible gels, to give you energy. There might be some energy bars and brioches in there too. It's quite good sometimes ... you can get nice treats so it's always something to look forward to.
When you're out cycling up a big hill and it's cold and raining and you've 40 miles to go and you're aching all over and your directeur sportif is shouting abuse at you from the car, do you ever think to yourself: "What the hell am I doing here? I wish I had a proper job."
There's are times when you do think that, but I've worked in a bank before and I'd rather do 300km on the bike in the pissing rain every single day than go back to that.
You're from the Isle of Man, where Small Talk's dad once took the entire family for the most ill-advised fortnight in the history of summer holidays. We saw everything there is to see in two hours.
It's a nice place, but not a place for young people. It's a beautiful island with some good people there. I quite like the hustle and bustle of big cities but I know I'll definitely go back to the Isle of Man and settle once I'm finished cycling.
Are you the most famous bloke to come out of the Isle of Man since the Bee Gees?
Eh, I think so ... yeah. It's not something I pay much attention to, to be honest. I do what I do because I love the sport and the other stuff that comes with it is a bonus. A lot of people in the Isle of Man support me and it makes it all worthwhile when people are interested in what you're doing. I dunno if the word 'famous' is appropriate, but I'm quite well known on the Isle of Man.
You do realise that if you do well in the Tour, the English will try to claim you as one of their own ...
Yeah, probably. I had the option to ride for England in the Commonwealth Games last year but I stayed true to my roots.
The Isle of Man is more readily associated with motorcycles than bicycles. Were you never tempted to ride something with two wheels and an engine?
I wasn't tempted to, but I am now. But there are various people around me who don't want me to get on a motorbike, obviously: my fiancée, my family, my team ... pretty much everyone really [laughs].
What do you do when you're not cycling?
When I get a break I like to go and see my fiancée, Melissa. I don't even see her for 100 days a year. I think last year was the most I've seen her for four years and that was only 70 days. I like to go and catch up with her ... she's great with me being away travelling around, so I like to spend time with her when I can.
What's the last CD you bought?
Em ... I bought a Snow Patrol CD for my mum when I was home last.
For your mum, eh? A likely story ...
No, it was for her. I can't remember what the last one I bought for myself was. I'm more into DVDs at the moment. I'm working my way through Family Guy, which is brilliant.
What would you put in Room 101?
Big Brother and programmes like it. I can't think of anything that will turn your brain to mush more quickly than watching that stuff.
What does Melissa think of your professional cyclist's sun-tan? Are you ever tempted to get it all evened out?
I've thought about getting my tan evened out, but I've never done anything about it. The problem is that my arms and legs are so used to the sun now that they don't burn, but because I'm a typical Brit, any other part of my body blisters at the first hint of sunlight. I've worn the green jersey at some of the stage races I've been at and sometimes the sleeves are too short, which means my white bits are sticking out and start bubbling after a few hours.
Ugh ...
I know. It's horrible, isn't it?
What's your favourite colour? The pink of T-Mobile, presumably ...
That's magenta, actually [laughs].
It looks pink to Small Talk ...
No, it's officially magenta.
Paris Hilton or Kylie Minogue?
Paris. There's just something about her, isn't there?
Is there?
There is ... there is! She's released a video ...
She certainly has. Have you seen it?
I have ... yeah. [Laughs] Of course I have.
What's the last book you read?
[Very long silence] I don't know.
Are you not much of a reader?
No, I've just bought a book actually. I think it was Jeremy Clarkson's. I like Con Iggulden as well. I just bought his book. I don't know what it's called, but it's about Genghis Khan.
Tea or coffee?
Coffee.
What's your poison?
I like Southern Comfort and Coke.
Ooh, top shelf. Do you get out for drinks very often?
Not really. When I've got a rest period I do, but you've got to make sacrifices in this game, obviously. It's weird drinking when you're a professional cyclist. This will sound stupid, but because our legs are so big, the alcohol just drains into them and they're wrecked for a week afterwards. After a night out, you can't train properly for a week. It's crazy - you just feel awful.
Did you know that if you type the name Mark Cavendish into MySpace you get a fat, moustachioed, 47-year-old "world famous" bounty hunter from Tucson, Arizona in the USA. Have you ever considered a career as a world famous bounty hunter?
Yeah ... that's actually my page. Being a world famous bounty hunter is my plan for the future ... once I've finished cycling.
OK, thanks for your time Mark. Good luck in the Tour and with the bounty hunting.
Thanks, Small Talk.
Mark Cavendish is riding in this year's Tour de France for T-Mobile.